Scars and Souvenirs
by ashma0407
Summary: RE-POST...A pending divorce, kids and reconnecting with a lost love. *Working summary*
1. Since You've Been Gone

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all things related to it. I own nothing except for the computer this is written on and all errors.**

**I am reposting every original chapter to this story. Thank you all for reading!**

"_To tell me you're not alright_

_And you needed to come home_

_(Since you've been gone)_

_To tell me you're not okay_

_And you needed me all along_

_Since you've been gone_

_I need to hear from you_

_Since you've been gone"_

Since You've Been Gone-Theory of a Deadman.

Today started off normal enough. Got up, fed the kids, sent them to school, fought with my husband. After said husband left for work, I cleaned the house and started dinner. Crock-pots were a great invention.

I dropped some old clothes and toys off at the Salvation Army and had lunch with my friends. After lunch, I stopped by the grocery store. I did a little shopping before heading home.

As I entered the house, I noticed the answering machine flash as I walked past it on my way to the kitchen. No one ever calls the house unless its a telemarketer. I ignored it while I put the groceries away.

Once the groceries were put away I looked at the clock. I still had forty-five minutes before the kids got out of school. I walked over to the bookshelf, deciding that I would read until its time to pick them up.

Since the answering machine is next to the bookshelf, I hit the play button.

"Congratulations! You have been sel-" I hit delete.

"Great news! We are calling because you have been-" Delete. I hate telemarketers. I deleted a few more messages and thought the machine was empty until I heard his voice.

"Bella" He sighed. "I wasn't so sure I found you but I would recognize your voice anywhere." He let out a small laugh.

I was frozen in place. I would recognize his voice anywhere.

"Umm...anyway, the reason why I'm calling, would you like to get together for some coffee or something? Call me back either way" He left his number before ending the message with "God, I miss you."  
I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting there when I heard the alarm on my phone go off. Time to get the kids. I quickly wrote down his number before deleting the message.

I called him back on my drive to the school. I agreed to meet up with him this evening after dinner. It wouldn't raise any suspicion, not that I was doing anything wrong, because I usually spend nights at Starbucks writing anyway.

Dinner with the family was uneventful. The kids went off to do their own thing. I gathered my laptop and kissed the kids goodnight.

"I'm going to write" I called over my shoulder before shutting the door.

I pulled into the parking lot fifteen minutes later. I sat in my car trying to calm my nerves.

My heart is beating so fast. Sweat beads are forming on my forehead. My hands are shaking. I'm staring to feel a little dizzy and my stomach is in knots. Its been ten years. Ten years since I've seen him. Ten years since I walked away from it all. Biggest mistake of my life.

Starbucks is a cute little coffee shop. Sure, its a national chain but to me its just a quaint as the local Mom and Pop cafe. I chose this as a meeting place for a couple reasons.

Reason number one: Its public. That was a priority. I didn't have faith in myself. I was almost certain that the minute I saw him and his glorious smile, I would jump on him like a dog in heat. That would be embarrassing to do in public. Starbucks was a good choice.

Reason number two: We needed to talk. So many things have happened in the last ten years. So much to cover. We needed to talk about the night "we" ended and also about where we have been since then.

Finally, reason number three: I had two kids and an almost, but not quite, ex-husband still living at home. He knows I'm married but I'm not so sure he knows about the kids.

I finally managed to control myself and began walking toward the door. With a still shaking hand, I opened it and walked in. I scanned the room before locking eyes with him.

His green eyes shined and his smile was contagious. I found myself smiling like a fool as I walked toward him. He stood from his chair as I approached the table.

"You haven't changed at all. Still so beautiful." He said before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in for a hug.

My arms wrapped around his torso and I hugged him back.

"Its good to see you again, Edward." I said with a shaky voice. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. How was I so stupid to let him go?


	2. Incomplete

**Disclaimer: I own nothing although I wish I did.**

**I don't think I mentioned this before but my chapters are normally short. Usually less than 1000 words. It's not my style to get overly descriptive and what not.**

**Theory of a Deadman inspires me so most of my chaps will be named after their songs. :)**

**I'm Ashma Zerofourzeroseven on FB and ashma0407 on twitter.**

**Thanks for coming back! **

**BPOV**

_I tried to go on like I never knew you_

_I'm awake but my world is half asleep_

_I've prayed for this heart to be unbroken_

_But without you all I'm going to be is_

_Incomplete._

_Incomplete-Backstreet Boys_

All too soon, our arms loosened and our hug was over. The tears were still brimming my eyes and threatening to fall. As I pulled away from him I quickly turned my head and wiped them away. After all these years, I did not want him to see me cry. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself and turned back around to him.

"Are you crying?" Edward asked as I sat down. I shook my head, not trusting my voice just yet.

"Come on _Chewy_, don't cry." He crouched down next to my chair. At the mention of my old nickname, I closed my eyes and remembered the last time I heard it. The last time I saw him.

_August 1999-Age 15_

_My mom and dad had been fighting a lot lately. They were screaming and yelling at each other all over the house. They had never been physical before that night but for some reason Charlie just snapped. He shoved her into the wall and had her pinned as he screamed at her._

_I ran to my room and shoved clothes into my backpack. I always knew things would get bad between them, I just never knew it would turn into this._

_With a bag full of my clothes, I climbed out of the window and down the tree. Once I was safely on the ground, I started to run. Edward lived only a few blocks away and in this small town, that meant that I was at his house in a matter of minutes._

_Thankful that Edward slept on the first floor, I tip toed around his yard and knocked on his window. His light was on so I knew he was still awake. When he opened the blind, the shock was evident on his face. He quickly opened the window._

"_Baby girl, what are you doing here?" He asked as he helped me climb in._  
"_Mom and dad are fighting again." I answered plainly. I was ashamed to admit to him what was really going on at my house._

"_Aww Chewy, I'm sorry." He pulled me into his arms and kiss the top of my head._

_I snorted and pulled away from him. "Are you ever going to tell me why you call me Chewy?" I asked, changing the subject. He's been calling me that for months and I can't figure it out._

"_Promise not to get mad?" He laughed as I nodded. "Promise to still love me?" He asked as he step closer. I nodded again. "Do you remember the first night you stayed over?"_

"_Yeah but what does that-" Before I could finish he interrupted_

"_When I woke up the next morning, your hair is was knotted mess and you were making this weird noise. You reminded me of Chewbacca." He shrugged._

_My mouth fell open and I just stared for a minute. After I recovered from my shock, I walked over to his bed without saying a word._

"_C'mon baby, it was just a joke. I think the noises you make in your sleep are cute. Sexy even." He quickly backpedaled. He walked over to me and knelt in front of the bed where I was sitting. " You know I love you."_

_I looked up at him and smiled. Then I gripped the pillow tighter in my hands and swung it at him. He wasn't prepared for it so the force caused him to fall over onto the floor._

_As he fell, he grabbed my arm causing me to fall on top of him. "Sorry." I smiled at him._

"_It's ok, Chewy." He laughed._

_Watching him laugh made me laugh. He was so cute. His hair was a crazy untamed reddish brown color. His green eyes were sparkled when he smiled. His teeth were perfectly straight and white. He was one hundred percent perfect and all mine._

_I've known Edward most of my life but we became close when I turned twelve. I immediately had a crush on him but since he is two years older than me, he said he didn't see me that way._

_I tried to make him see that our age difference wasn't that bad but he wouldn't relent. Finally on my thirteenth birthday he asked me to be his girlfriend. Instantly I agreed. Over the last two years, he has become my best friend._

"_What are you thinking about?" He asked breaking out of my thoughts. His hands ran through my hair pushing it behind my ears._

"_Just about how much I love you." I smiled and leaned my face into his palm. He sat up with me straddling his hips._

"_I love you too, Bella, so much." He said as he pulled my face to his and kissed me._

_We 'made out' for a while before climbing into bed. Both of us were virgins and planned to stay that way until my sixteenth birthday. Second base is usually as far as we go, although, Edward has stole third base a few times._

"_Goodnight, Chewy." Edward whispered in my hear as he kissed my temple. That is the last thing I heard before sleep found me._

_I woke the next morning and realized that I was running late. I shot out of bed causing Edward to jump up. He asked what was wrong and I motioned to the clock while changing my clothes._

_Ten minutes later I had my shoes on and was saying goodbye to Edward. I kissed him quickly, told him I loved him and that I would call him later before climbing out the window and running home._

_I looked up as I rounded the corner to my street. I stopped suddenly when my house came into view. There, parked in front of my house, was a moving truck. I cautiously approached the house. I noticed that my dads truck was gone. As I walked into the house, my mom was coming down the stairs._

"_Oh good, you're home." She said as she continued to survey the stair landing. "Go pack your bags, Bella. We're moving to Phoenix." With that she walked into the kitchen._

"Bella...Bella...Bella!" Edward was still crouched beside me shaking me. I looked over at him.  
"Where did you just go?" He asked with his perfect smile. That smile caused my resolve to crumble and I started to cry all over again. I was an emotional wreck. Perhaps we should have met somewhere less private.

"I'm...so...sorry" I sobbed.


	3. Santa Monica

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**The chapters won't be very long. Probably less than 2,000 words each. Some even less than 1,000. I should point out that this isn't going to be a happy story right away. I'm not big into angst and I'm sure that I cannot write it but there will be drama. In real life, not everything is sunshine and rainbows.**

**Not everything in this story will be based on true events but a lot of it is real. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into my life.**

**EPOV**

_It hurts to breathe_

_Well every time that you're not next to me_

_Her mind's made up_

_The girl is gone_

_And now I'm forced to see_

_I think I'm on my way_

_Oh, it hurts to live today_

_Santa Monica-Theory of a Deadman_

I wrapped my arms around Bella and sat in the seat next to hers. As I held this woman in my arms, I couldn't help but reflect on the reasons we were in this situation. I blame Renee. As I got older, I discovered the true reason that she left. Apparently Charlie had an issue with drinking that went beyond the occasional after work or weekend drink. When he drank, he got abusive.

Renee finally got the courage to leave, which is commendable, but the way she did it was what got me. She just left. Plain and simple. She didn't offer Bella the chance to say goodbye to anyone. She uprooted her daughter and moved her hundreds of miles away from everything she has ever known.

I never got a phone call.

There was just- nothing.

_August 1999-17 years old._

_After Bella left that morning, I went on with my daily routine. Around noon I went over to Bella's. Something was telling me to go check on her. Since I told her I would be over this afternoon, I decided to go over then. The closer I got to her house, the more I felt like something was not right. As I rounded the corner to her house I noticed the truck was in the driveway, which was odd. Charlie usually worked during the day._

_I knocked on the door. When it opened, I was shocked at what I saw. Charlie stood in front of me, his face red, his hair a mess and tears running down his face._

"_Tell me she's with you!" He grabbed my shirt and pulled me into the house. "Tell me that Renee left Bella with you." He cried._

_I couldn't speak. Charlie, the police chief of our small town, was crying. I had no idea why. I was shocked. I shook my head no and wondered what the fuck was going on._

"_She took her." He started to sob and fell to his knees._

"_Sir, I don't understand." I said as calmly as possible. "Who took Bella and where did they go?" I asked with a shaky voice._

_He didn't answer. Instead he walked over to the coffee table and picked up a piece of paper. He walked back and handed it to me._

_I wanted more than this_

_I needed more than this_

_I could use of more than this_

_But it just won't stop_

Goodbye Charlie.

"_What does this mean?" I asked, although I was almost positive I knew the answer._

"_She left me," He responded with no emotion, " and she took Bella with her."_

Shaking my head, I cleared the memory from my mind. I looked down at Bella and noticed she had stopped crying. I stood up and walked to the other side of the table to reclaim my seat.

"So..." I trailed off.

"So..." She sniffled and then smiled timidly at me.

"How have you been?" I attempted to make small talk.

"I've been ok...surviving, I guess. How have you been?" She looked down at the table.

I wanted to scream at her. I know that it has been ten years but she should know me better than that. I can see right through her. I was about to call her out on her lying when she started talking again.

"Why did you call Edward? I mean, I'm happy to hear from you but why now?" She rambled.

"What do you mean, 'why now?' I've tried to call you many times over these last ten years but I have always had a bad number." I was starting to get mad.

"I never knew that." She whispered the shook her head. "Can you answer the question? Why did you call?"

"Why didn't you call?" I challenged. I was avoiding her question for a reason.

"Cut the shit, Edward! Are you going to answer me?" She glared at me.

My eyes widened and I flinched back. After all these years, she is still the same Bella. I smiled at the thought.

"What are you smiling about?" She tried to maintain her glare but I saw the corners of her mouth made me smile wider. "If you aren't going to answer me, what do you want to talk about?" She gave up on the glaring and finally smiled.

"I'll answer it but it's a long story. I think I need to hear some things from you first. Why didn't you ever try to contact me after you left?" I stared at her. Her smile faltered a little but she managed to keep it on her face.

Umm.." She blew out a breath. "I knew we would get to those questions but I didn't think it would be so fast." She let out a shaky laugh.

"Might as well get it all out there." I shrugged.

"When we left, my mom refused to let me contact my dad for the first month." I nodded because I already knew that. "When she finally let me call him, he told me that you had been keeping him company and waiting for me to return." She stopped and took a deep breath.

"When I explained to him the reason it took me so long to call, he told me that he figured as much. Then he went on to tell me that if I had no plans to return to Forks, that I shouldn't contact you..."

"What?" I shouted. The people sitting at the table next to us, turned and looked giving me a dirty look. "Sorry" I mumbled my apology. "Why would he say that?" He knew how miserable I was without her.

"He said that it would be as if I never existed and that you would have an easier time getting over it." She reached across the table, wrapped her tiny hands around mine and gave them a squeeze. I turned my hands over and brought her hands up to my lips, placing a small and chaste kiss on them.

"That's why you never called." I stated simply. She nodded.

"I was only fifteen and knew that my mom would never allow me to move in with my dad. I thought I was doing what was best for you." She shrugged. "Dad was careful to not mention you too often but since you were around so much, it was hard. I'm not going to lie, I lived for those 'Edward' slip ups." She giggled at herself as she used air quotes around my name.

"He was the same way with me, when it came to you." I chuckled with her.

"But, it all worked out for you, right?" She said. "I heard you got married." She gave me a forced smile.

"Oh yeah, worked out just great." I laughed bitterly. "I had a miserable wife with a miserable marriage that ended about two years ago."

"I'm sorry." She squeezed my hand again. I hadn't noticed that out hands were still entwined. "I thought she looked like a nice woman." After she said that, her eyes went wide and she pulled her hands back and slapped them over her mouth.

"How do you know what she looks like?" I asked. I met Angela at a party in Seattle. She is not someone that Bella would know.


	4. Get Away

**Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing.**

**The chapters won't be very long. Probably less than 2,000 words each. Some even less than 1,000. I should point out that this isn't going to be a happy story right away. I'm not big into angst and I'm sure that I cannot write it but there will be drama. In real life, not everything is sunshine and rainbows.**

**Not everything in this story will be based on true events but a lot of it is real. I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into my life.**

BPOV

_How could I ever let her get away?_

_Today is not a happy day,_

_So many words that I had to say,_

_And baby I miss you and I need you your love_

_Get Away-Avant_

When I started crying, I was embarrassed. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to see me cry. That thought alone, made me cry harder. When he came over and wrapped his arms around me, it felt right. I felt that I was finally home. Since the day I left, I've dreamed of this moment. Well, not this moment. In my dreams, Edward would swoop in and rescue me from my hell of a life. There were no tears and we lived happily ever after.

I snorted at my myself. Fairytales weren't real and real life doesn't work that way. Somethings are just not meant to be. Most of the time life just sucks.

I wiped my eyes and looked up at him. He looked deep in thought. His eyebrows were scrunched together and he had a frown on his face. That made me frown.

All of a sudden he shook his head and looked down at me. His lips twitched and he gave me a small smile before letting me go and walking around the table. I instantly felt empty again without his arms around me.

When he asked me how I had been, I lied and downplayed it. I wasn't lying about the surviving. That seemed to be the only thing I could do well. When you give your heart away at twelve and lost it at fifteen, the only thing you can do is survive.

He didn't look satisfied with my answer but rather than let him go on one of his Edward Cullen rants, I changed the subject and asked him why he called. I thought that it was a simple question. Guess I was wrong.

He turned it around on me. I got irritated and snapped at him. He looked shocked for a minute before he started to smile. His smile made me smile.

I relented and told him about the conversation that I had with my dad. How I was told that it was better for Edward if I didn't call him. Since my mom had no intentions of ever letting me go back to Washington and I was underage, I felt that it was best for him if I just listened to my dad.

He mentioned that his marriage was miserable and ended. Inside I was overjoyed. Ever since he called, I had silently prayed that he was single. Not that I was ready for any type of relationship right now but this is Edward we are talking about. He is the one. He has always been the one.

Then I had to open my big mouth and mention that his ex-wife looked like a nice person. No one knows that I was there that day and I had planned to keep it that way. Looks like I have some explaining to do.

_Shit! Why did I say that? Where is my mental filter? Stupid Bella!_

As I continued to mentally abuse myself, I missed the fact that Edward had asked a question.

"Bella?" He stared at me with questions swimming in his eyes. "Where did you meet Angela?"

"Here's the thing," I laughed nervously. "I never met her."  
"You just said that she _looked_like a nice woman." He looked at me confused.

I nodded, pursing my lips. "I did. Umm...When Charlie mentioned that you were—uh getting married, I sort of..." I shook my head, not wanting to tell him anymore.

"Huh?" He asked. "Bella, I don't understand."

I took a deep breath. "I flew to Washington and I was in Forks the day you got married." I rushed out and then winced, as the weight of those words hit me as well. It didn't sound that weird in my head.

He gasped, leaning back in his chair. "Your dad never mentioned that you came back." He said through clenched teeth.

"That's because he didn't know." I whispered.

"What do you mean, he didn't know? Do you know how long he waited for you to come _home_? You know what? We'll come back to that. Explain to me how you know what my ex-wife looked like." He ranted. When I continued to stay quiet he narrowed his eyes at me.

"I flew to Washington and drove to my dad's house when I knew he would be gone. I broke into the house and started looking for the invitation. I found it on the fridge and quickly wrote down the address." I paused to make sure he was still with me. He nodded for me to continue.

I blew out a breath. "When I realized you were getting married at the church in town, I parked my car at the grocery store and walked over." I stopped and took a few more calming breaths.

"Wait a minute." He stopped me before I could say anything else. "_What_were you doing in Forks? You married 'Smoky McPot' the year before I got married." He pointed his finger at me.

"His name is Garrett," I frowned, well aware of the nickname Charlie gave him.

"What the fuck ever." He scoffed. "Where was _Garrett_?" He spat his name. Looks like I hit a nerve_._

"Don't start that shit with me Edward." I pointed at him. "Anyway, he was working out of town. I don't see why it matters anyway. Its not like I had to answer to him." I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned.

"I just asked a question. Go on with your story." He waved his hands at me and rolled his eyes.

"Fuck you!" I gritted my teeth. "I have enough shit going on in my life right now. I didn't ask you to call me. I'm trying to answer your fucking question and you want to give me an attitude because of my husband? Go to hell." I stood up from my chair and grabbed my bag.

Without another word to him, I turned and started toward the door. He doesn't understand shit. He has no idea how hard it is for me to relive the day he got married. He doesn't know that I had to drug myself with anxiety pills and alcohol before boarding that plane. He doesn't know how I paced in front of the church, contemplating whether or not I should go in and stop it.

Looking back on it now, I see how selfish I was to even consider walking into that church. I was married. Edward deserved his happiness too. Sure, I would have left my husband and went back to Edward in a heartbeat but that didn't make it right. I'm glad that I chose to keep my distance back then. Things would be different had I chosen to make my presence known that day. Who knows, Edward may have grown to resent me if I would have stopped it.

I huffed at myself in frustration, stormed out of the door and walked as fast as I could to my car.

"Bella!" I heard him shout behind me. I started to walk faster.

"Dammit Bella! Wait!" His voice was getting closer, as I heard his rapid foot falls hitting the pavement.

Just as I rounded the corner, I felt his hand grip my elbow. He spun me around to face him.  
"Please don't leave." He pleaded. "I'm sorry." He dropped his head.

"Do you know what it's like to have to be medicated just to forget someone from your past?" I asked him quietly. He looked up at me. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to live a lie?" I asked. Then the tears started again.

"Don't cry." He frowned. "Lets go somewhere." He paused for a minute. "Lets go to my apartment."

"I don't know if that is such a good idea." I hesitated.

"Just to talk. Nothing more. We'll talk and then you can go." He rushed out. "Please Bella. We need to talk."

I stared at him blankly. A part of me wanted to say no. The logical side of me knew that this was a horrible idea, that it would turn into something that was wrong. The other part of me, my more dominant part, wanted to revert back to that heartbroken fifteen year old girl that left him. I wanted to make up for lost time and pick back up where we left off all those years ago.

In the end, the young girl inside me won. I sighed and nodded my head.

"Fine." I agreed. "I'll follow you over there." He nodded and grabbed my hands in his. He once again brought them to his lips and gave them a kiss.

"I parked over there." He pointed across the street.

"I'm down there." I pointed down the street. "I'll just wait for you in my car."

He nodded. "Thank you."

He walked away and across the street to his car while I got in mine. I watched him pull out and laughed when I saw his car. He always said that he was going to own a Chevy Impala. I don't know what his fascination with that car was but it looks like he finally got it.

I followed closely behind him. As I was driving, I decided to call home and let Garrett know that I would be late. We may not be getting along but we are still try to be considerate of each other.

We haven't really spoken to each other at all this week. Saturday night, when he came home from the bar, I was done. I told him Sunday, while the kids were gone that I wanted a divorce. He doesn't have any family around here so I agreed to let him stay through the week, but he needed to be out by Sunday night. Today was Friday.

We were civil in front of the kids and pretended the other wasn't there when the kids weren't around.  
With one hand on the steering wheel, I used my other hand to rummage through my purse in search of my phone. After pulling out my wallet, camera, iPod and various papers, I finally found the damn phone.

I pressed and held the number two and it dialed the house. The phone rang four times before he picked it up.

"_Yo!"_He barked into the phone.

"How many times have I asked you not to answer the phone like that? You are almost thirty years old." I yelled into the phone. He irritates the shit out of me.

"_Did you call for a reason or just to bitch at me?"_ He grumbled. I rolled my eyes at the phone.  
"I met up with a friend at the coffee shop. I'm going out for a little bit." It amazed me how well that came out of my mouth.

"_Whatever."_ He replied and I heard a click. My phone beeped, signaling that the call was ended.  
I can't wait until he's gone. I have dragged this marriage on for far too long. I learned the hard way that a marriage can't work when there is only one party working at it. It doesn't help when the only one trying to make it work is also the one who never wanted it in the first place.

Edward pulled into the parking garage of the apartment building. Since I know that the garages are for tenants only, I pulled into a space on the side of the road. I took a few calming breaths before getting out of the car.

_Nothing is going to happen._

_We are just going to talk and then I will leave._

Knowing that I was lying to myself, I took another deep breath and started to walk to the building.

Here goes nothing...


	5. Don't You Wanna Stay

**Disclaimer: I own nothing…Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**AN: Here I am once again. This chapter was emotionally hard yet physically easy to write. It flowed out like a song…Ok, that was cheesy but really, it did come easy to me.**

**This chapter is a little longer than the others. Once I got started, it was hard to stop. I hope you all enjoy!**

_don't you wanna stay here a little while_

_we can make forever feel this way_

_don't you wanna stay_

lets take it slow i don't want to move to fast

i don't wanna just make love, i wanna make love last

_by_

_Don't You Wanna Stay-Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkston_

We didn't speak as we walked into the building. Edward wore a smile in the elevator. I wanted to smile but the knots in my stomach prevented it. I was nervous. When I agreed to come over, I knew where and how I wanted this night to end.

When we entered his apartment, my nerves got the best of me. My hands started to shake and I felt like I was going to be sick. I asked Edward where his bathroom was and excused myself. Once inside with the door safely shut and locked, I turned the water on and leaned against the counter.

I stared at myself in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. My eyes were foreign to me. They were full of anticipation, excitement, nervousness and hope. Hope is something that I have been lacking for a long time.

I lightly splashed water in my face. I was having a battle within myself. I felt like I had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. If I squinted my eyes, I could see them standing on my shoulders, whispering in my ears.

Angel Bella says: _You are only here to talk. Remember you are still a married woman. Your husband is still living in your home_.

While devil Bella was saying: _You have been waiting for this opportunity for years. Go out there and listen to your body. This is Edward, THE Edward._

Feeling as though I had completely lost my mind, I splashed my face with water and left the bathroom. My hands were still shaking and my stomach was still in knots but I was determined to get this over with.

Angel and devil Bella started to argue with each other. I could literally hear them screaming at each other. Its official, I've lost it.

Shaking my head, I continued down the hall and to the living room. Edward was sitting on his couch. His elbows rested on his knees and his head in his hands. He was pulling at his hair and bouncing his knee. _Good to know that I'm not the only one._

The floor creaked as I stepped closer, alerting him to my presence. "Are you ok? Maybe I should just go?" I didn't want to leave. In fact, I wanted to stay forever and forget that the last ten years even happened.

"No!" He shouted. "I mean, no, don't leave. I'm just...it seems surreal that you are here, you know?" I nodded. Surreal is a great word for how this feels. "Do you, um, want something to drink?" He cleared his throat and gave me a smile.

I couldn't help but to smile back at him. He looked genuinely happy. I'm sure that I look the same because I was happy. I haven't been this happy in a long time. "Sure. That would be great. Do you need help?" I asked.

He shook his head and instructed me to have a seat and try to relax. I took a seat on the couch and waited. Everything was silent except for the clinging of glasses and the shutting of a cabinet door coming from the kitchen.

I glanced around the room, trying to take my mind off of everything. Edward didn't have much on his walls. There were a few pictures of him with his parents but that was it. I noticed that he had a piano in the corner of the room. _I wonder if he still plays?_

I was about to call out to him and ask when he walked back into the room carrying two glasses of wine. "I hope this is alright. I don't have much in the fridge."

"This is perfect. Thank you." I took the glass from his and sat it down on the table.

Edward sat down next to me and put his glass next to mine. "Lets talk."

I nodded and cleared my throat. "To answer your question from earlier, I told Garrett that I was going to visit my dad. Garrett felt uneasy around him because of his profession," I rolled my eyes while Edward knowingly smirked, "and he quickly agreed that I should go alone." I shrugged.

"Why didn't you find me? I mean, the town wasn't that big and I'm sure you could have found a way to talk to me." He seemed almost hurt that I didn't show myself and ruin his wedding day.

"Would it have made a difference?" I asked. He gave me a puzzled look. "If I would have found you and said that I wanted you back. Would you have just left Angela at the alter and left with me?" I clarified.

"Most likely." He said. I quirked an eyebrow at him. "If you would have said that to me, I would have asked you to give me five minutes and we would have left. Together." He stated simply.

I stared at him in shock. "It would have been that easy?" I whispered to myself.

"It would have been that easy." He stated. "You were the one, Bella. It was always you. Its always been you."

"Don't you think that it was selfish of me to even consider the idea of walking into your wedding unannounced?" I may have not felt that way back then but I do now.

"Maybe," He mused, "but had I known about your wedding or where to find you for that matter, I would have stopped you. I mean, look at you, you are obviously not happy if you agreed to see me tonight. You agreeing to come here with me proves it." He raised an eyebrow, challenging me to argue.

"You don't know me." I said defensively, even though everything he just said was true.

"We may have been apart for a while but I know you." He pointed at me. "This is me, Bella. Talk to me. Be honest with me." He pleaded.  
I took a deep breath and stayed quiet for a minute. Edward quirked an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to speak. I sighed deeply before telling him everything.

"Garrett and I got married because I got pregnant. I didn't want it but my mom pushed me to do it. I was never happy without you. That may seem stupid and unrealistic but its true." I paused for a second when he reached for my hand. "I learned to live with my choices and tried to make the best of my marriage. Having Austin did wonders for us. We were happy, or at least we acted happy." I sighed again.  
"After Mason was born, everything changed. We fought more and more. He stopped coming home and would stay gone for days at a time. The sad thing is, I didn't care. I was happy he was gone." I laughed bitterly.

"Long story short, I told him Sunday that I wanted a divorce and that he had a week to be gone." I shrugged. "Then you called and here we are."

"Here we are." He repeated. I nodded and reached for my glass.

Neither of us said anything for a while. We sat in silence and drank our wine. Edward continued to look and watch me while I avoided his gaze. When my glass was empty, I stood to take it into the kitchen. As I walked in front of Edward, his arms reached out and pulled me into his lap.

I squeaked in surprise and didn't have time to make another noise because his lips attacked mine. My body stiffened out of habit, then relaxed when my brain realized that this was Edward.

My body relaxed against him and I moved my legs to straddle his waist. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.

Kissing me was a great first move but it seemed like that was as far as he was going. Don't get me wrong, kissing Edward was amazing but I wanted more. Knowing it was wrong, I moved my shaky hands to his shirt and pulled it up.

Edward sat forward and broke the kiss to allow his shirt to be pulled over his head. Once the shirt was discarded on the floor, he pushed me to the side and stood up. I wiped my mouth, thinking that I had gone too far.

Edward surprised me when he picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and carried me to his room. His mouth trailed along my neck, placing open mouthed kisses and sucking lightly on my skin. My body was on fire. My hands found his hair and I pulled his head back. When my lips met his again, there was no hesitation. I kissed him with everything I had. I wanted to kiss away the pain, fear and emptiness from the last ten years. I wanted to give hope and a future in that kiss. I opened my mouth but my lips never left his. I was able to get a few deep breaths in before his tongue invaded my mouth.

He laid me on the bed and hovered over me. "Tell me to stop." He whispered against my lips. I shook my head.

"Tell me that this is wrong and that we should stop." He said more forcefully as his hands pushed my my shirt up, exposing my stomach to him.

Immediately I flinched away. Having had two kids, my stomach was not a smooth and flat as it had been when I was fifteen. I had stretchmarks covering it and there was a roll of fat that I would never be able to get rid of.

"Whats wrong?" Edward asked as his hands continued to move across my stomach. His touch caused my skin to break out into goosebumps.

"I know I don't look like I used to." I whispered, suddenly disgusted with myself.

"I know that." He said. He dipped his head down and placed a lingering kiss on my bare stomach. "You are more beautiful now than you were then." He chuckled lightly. "I didn't think that could happen. You have always been flawless to me."

Tears sprung to my eyes. Garrett used to make jokes about the way I looked. He used to call my stomach a 'road map.' I would laugh along with him but on the inside I was slowly breaking.

Thinking about my husband as Edward was hovered above me, brought on new emotions. What I was doing was so wrong but it felt so right. My thoughts were cut short when Edwards hand traveled under the waist of my pants.

"Dammit Bella." He murmured. "Tell me to stop." His head dropped to my chest as his hand reached my center.

"I can't." I shook my head and instinctively bucked my hips against his hand.

Without another word he pulled my panties aside and inserted a finger into me. My back arched and I let out a moan. It has been so long since someone other than myself had touched me. Too long.

Before long, he added another finger and began circling my clit with his thumb. My body shook but I wasn't sure if it was physical or mental.

Physically, I was enjoying this. I have never been this turned on in my life. I think that is partly because I am with Edward but also the excitement from being with someone else in general.

Emotionally, I was torn. I knew my marriage was over but legally it was not. I should not be doing this. I knew that but I also knew that I wanted, no I craved this.

"Edward," I moaned, "I need you." I reached down and quickly unbuckled his pants. If I did not get him in me fast, I was going to explode.

While I pushed his pants down his legs, he did the same with mine. Within minutes we were naked in front of each other for the first time. It would have been perfect had I been able to control the tremors that shot through my body.

He lined himself with me. "Are you sure?" He asked while trailing his nose along my jaw.

I shook my head. "I'm not sure about anything."

He nodded his head agreeing with me and slowly entered me. I have never felt more complete. When he pulled back, I immediately felt the loss. With each thrust and withdraw I felt this. The feeling of utter emptiness and absolute wholeness.

I seemed to get lost in my thoughts so much lately and especially today, that I lose track of hours at a time. I wasn't sure how much time had passed. I refocused my eyes on Edward.

I watched a drop of sweat run down his nose and drip onto my chest. His eyes were closed and the veins in his neck were tight. "Bella." He panted. "I need you to come."

"You are beautiful." He circled my nub and pulled my nipple with his teeth.  
"I'm so glad I found you." He bit my shoulder.

"I missed you." His teeth grazed my earlobe. "So fucking much."

He pulled back a little to look at my face. He must have saw that I was close because he grinned and brought his face closer to mine.  
"I love you." He whispered against my lips. "Always have, always will." With that he crashed his lips against mine and I came hard.

Edward thrust into me one last time before he collapsed on top of me.

Once again it was quiet between the two of us. There was nothing to be said.


	6. Make Up Your Mind

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**AN:I do have plans on finishing this story. I will say, however, that I will not tolerate bullshit. If you don't like this story and/or the way its written, stop reading and write your own since you seem to think you can do better. This is MY story and I'm telling it the way that I want to. End of story. **

**I don't mean to be a bitch. I've come to a point with this fandom that makes me want to walk away and delete this entire account altogether. The flames/negative reviews need to stop. There is a difference between constructive criticism and being down right rude. I have taught my kids the age old lesson-If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. My kids get smacked in the mouth for rude comments. Such a shame I can't do that to a few readers.  
**

**I'm finished bitching. If I still have readers left, please enjoy!  
**

_Make up your mind and I'll make up mine_

_Don't worry about me, I'll be fine_

_Those words that you said to me, why wasn't I listening?_

_I wish I hadn't met you at all, I started thinking_

_I'll sit back and relax and wait for the morning_

_Make Up Your Mind-Theory of a Deadman_

**BPOV**  
Laying in Edward's arms, I let out a content sigh. I had about thirty seconds of peace before my brain and logic caught up with me. Once I started processing what had just happened, I panicked. I jumped from the bed and began gathering my clothes as fast as I could.

I needed to get out of here.

With my clothes in my hands, I ran into the bathroom. I locked the door. I know Edward was watching me. I think he may have said something too but I didn't hear what he said. I didn't have time to explain myself. I needed to get home to my kids.

_My kids._

Thinking about them, made me rush to the toilet and empty my stomach. What have I done? I have always wanted and done what is best for my children. They need both parents together. Yet, here I am, wrapped in the arms of a man, who is not their father or my husband.  
I cheated on my husband.

I'm an adulteress. I am so going to hell. I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure that adultery is a major sin. I wouldn't be surprised if God struck me dead right now. I winced at the thought and waited for the lightning to strike.

I continued to heave into the toilet and waited. After I was positive that my stomach was empty and pretty sure that I was going to live another day, I stood up and turned the sink on.

I refused to look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I reached for my clothes, turned my back to the mirror and got dressed. My clothes were wrinkled from laying on the floor. I was about to do my first ever walk of shame.

As if I was on auto pilot, I dressed and turned around. Without a glance in the mirror, I splashed my face with water and rinsed my mouth. I didn't want to snoop around Edwards medicine cabinet but I was in desperate need of mouthwash. Shrugging, I opened his cabinet and found the Listerine.

I poured it in my mouth and welcomed the burn. I needed to wash away the deceit. There was no way that I could go home smelling and looking like sex. Its bad enough that it happened, I don't need to rub it in anyone's face.

I spit the mouthwash out and finally peeked a glance at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a knotted mess and my face was blotchy but what really got me was my eyes. They were no longer filled with excitement as they were hours earlier. Now they were filled with shame.

I stared at myself for what seemed like hours, but was really only seconds before huffing and turning away. I pulled my hair up and unlocked the bathroom door. I opened the door slowly, knowing that I would be met with Edward's stare on the other side. I did not expect was for Edward to be standing in front of me.

"Hi." I mumbled lamely, refusing to look up at him.

"What's wrong?" His voice caused chills throughout my body.

I shook my head, afraid to open my mouth because I wasn't sure what I would say. I stepped around him and walked through the room to let myself out.

"What's wrong?" He asked again from behind me. I could hear his feet hit the floor.

I didn't answer as I grabbed my purse from the coffee table and continued to the front door. I dug into the purse and pulled out my keys. I also grabbed my phone and glanced at it. It was already after two in the morning. I really needed to get home.

I was just about to open the door when Edward grabbed my arm. He turned me around and bent his head to stare me in the eyes. "What is wrong?" He asked once again.

"I have to go." I whispered staring into his eyes. I couldn't look away and that made me feel even worse.

"You want to go. You don't have to do anything." He glared at me.

"I have to go home, Edward. I have a family." I tried to reason with him.

"Go get the kids and come back." He shrugged like it was that simple.

"Come back," I chuckled bitterly, "I can't just come back. That," I pointed to his bedroom, "that should have never happened. I am married for Christ's sake!" I yelled.

"You're right." He nodded in agreement. I was actually a little shocked. Maybe he was regretting it too. "That," he pointed at his room, "should have happened a long time ago. It doesn't matter if you are married. I don't care. You are mine and always have been. Besides, you said earlier that your marriage was over." He paused and studied my face for a second. "Unless you are having second thoughts about leaving him." He whispered as his face fell.

"I owe it to him to try." I pleaded.

"And you're just going to walk out on me again?" He asked.

"I didn't walk out last time. That wasn't my fault and you know it." I poked his chest. "I didn't have a choice."

"You have a choice now." He scoffed, "And, you are choosing wrong."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Luckily, Edward decided to keep talking.

"What changed?" He asked. I looked at him confused. "In the forty-five minutes that you were in the bathroom, what changed your mind?"

I opened my mouth to respond only to shut it again. I didn't have a response for that either. I don't know what changed my mind. "I don't know." I whispered, ashamed of my answer.

"You don't know?" He chuckled humorlessly. "You got to give me something better than that."

"I don't _have_ to give you anything." I know I was being a bitch but I was hoping that he would kick me out. The longer I stood here with him, the more I wanted to stay.

"Fine, Bella." He said in defeat. "Go home to him. Be miserable but just know this, if you walk out of that door," He pointed over my shoulder, "and go back to him, I won't be here when you decide to pull your head out of your ass." He shook his head. "I love you but you are fucked in the head." He tapped my forehead with his finger.

"I love you too..." I started before he interrupted.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't be ripping my heart out again. You wouldn't be killing me the way you are right now." His voice cracked and he angrily wiped his eyes. "Just go." He waved at the door and walked away.

Wordlessly I walked out and closed the door behind me. I got down the hall and in front of the elevator before my tears started. The tears were followed by choking sobs. I collapsed on the floor and brought my knees to my chest.

I sat on the dirty hallway floor and cried. I cried until there were no more tears in my body. I was thankful that it was the middle of the night. The though of someone finding me like this was embarrassing.

I wasn't sure how much time has passed but I eventually picked myself up off of the floor and pressed the button for the elevator. I made it to the parking lot without further incident.

Just as I reached my car, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and was met by Edward. He stopped a few feet away from me. We stared at each other in silence for a while before he took a step forward.

"I didn't mean it." He said. "I didn't mean anything. I am so sorry." He walked closer. "Its supposed to be me and you. We are supposed to be together. Please don't go back to him." He pleaded.

I continued to stare silently. He was now standing under the street lamp and I was able to see his face. His eyes were red and puffy. I could tell he had been crying. That broke my heart.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed. "I don't know what I was thinking." I shook my head. He walked closer until he was standing in front of me.

"I'll wait." He gave me a watery smile. "I'll wait another ten years if I have to." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

In that moment, being wrapped in his arms once again, I realized that there was no way I could work on my marriage. This is where my heart was.

"I'm going to tell Garrett that he needs to go." I mumbled into his chest. "I can't pretend anymore."

He sighed in relief. "Thank God!"

"I really do have to go." I said after a few minutes of silence. Edward tightened his arms around me briefly before sighing and letting me go.

"Call me later?" He asked.

"Of course." I said with a smile.

After a few chaste kisses and another hug, I was driving home. The roads were practically abandon so what should have been a twenty minute drive, really only took ten.

Before I was ready, I was pulling into the driveway. I silently made my way into the house. The house was dark and quiet. Just as I was about to thank God that everyone was asleep….

"Where have you been." Garrett sneered from his spot on the couch.


	7. I Really Don't Like You

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Copyright is not my intent. I am simply just playing around and altering reality.**

**Welcome back! Thanks for all the lovely reviews. Happy Friday the 13th.  
**

_**Hate is a strong word**_

_**But I really really really don't like you**_

_**Now that it's over**_

_**I don't even know what I liked about you**_

_**Brought you around**_

_**And you just brought me down.**_

_**Hate is a strong word.**_

_**But I really really really don't like you.**_

_**Hate (I Really Don't Like You)-The Plain White T's**_

"_Where have you been." Garrett sneered from his spot on the couch._

Instinctively, I backed against the wall. My throat felt like it was closing in on me. In all honesty, he scared the fucking shit out of me.

_Who sits in the dark like that?_

"I-I thought you were sleeping." I stuttered. I took a few deep breaths and internally begged my heart to slow down. "What are you doing sitting in the dark?" I questioned as I turned around and flipped the light switch.

"Waiting on you." He said from directly behind me. I gasped and turned back to face him quickly.

He was close. So close, in fact, I could feel his breath brush across my face.

"Where were you?" He asked again as he pushed me lightly into the wall. He wedged his knee between my legs, effectively trapping me.

Although Garrett has never been violent or abusive to me, I was now afraid. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and the stench of marijuana was in the air. I've dealt with him while he was drunk or high but never at the same time. He always made it a point that if he did one, he would not do the other.

I backed further into the wall and purposely brushed my ass across the drywall, checking to make sure my phone was in there. Just in case.

I thanked God, silently of course, that my phone was indeed, in my back pocket.

All of a sudden, I felt pressure on my jaw and my head was being jerked to the side. "Are you going to answer me?" He gripped my chin between his fingers and brought my face inches from his own. The smell on his breath made me want to gag but I held it in.

I clenched my jaw and jerked my head from his grip. "I told you that I met up with a friend and that I would be late." I glared at him while rubbing my face.

"What friend?" He questioned.

"None of your business." I spat out. "You need to figure out where you are going because come Sunday, you are out on your ass. I can't do this anymore." I huffed.

His face fell a little at my last statement and I did feel a little guilty. Maybe I should tell him about Edward and I sleeping together. That way, he would have an easy out.

"Can you move, please?" I asked him nicely. "I have to get up in the morning to get the kids off to school."

He ignored my question. "Why can't we work this out?" His eyes began to tear, making me feel terrible again. "I'll do whatever it takes. I want us to be happy again." He cried and fell to his knees. "I promise to be a better husband. Please, just give me a chance." He gripped my waist and buried his face into my stomach.

My arms laid motionless at my sides. I didn't know what to do. I slowly raised my right hand an patted him on the head. We have never been an affectionate couple. Come to think of it, our only affection was show in the bedroom.

I opened my mouth to speak only to close it quickly. I wasn't sure what to say.

Garrett started to sob against me causing me to roll my eyes at his theatrics. If he was this torn up about our failed marriage, he should have acted this way last week when I first told him that I wanted a divorce.

"Stop crying." I pleaded with him. Regardless of how I felt about our marriage, he was still a man and whenever a man cries in front of me, I tend to tear up as well.

"Please don't leave me." He wailed. I again rolled my eyes.

"Get up!" I demanded through clenched teeth.

He slowly stood up and wiped his eyes.

"What was all of that?" I asked.

"I just," He sniffled, "thought that you wanted a grand gesture."

"Your grand gestures," I laughed and rolled my eyes, "could have been useful everyday for the last ten years." I threw my hands up. "I'm not happy with you. I've never been happy with you. I don't want to sound hateful but this is how I feel. You need to move. I want a divorce."

"We were happy." He started before I shook my head. "What do you mean no? You used to be happy with me. What changed?"

"I used to be good a pretending. I was never happy with you. I just settled." I blew out a big breath, knowing that what I just said was mean and hurtful.

"You don't mean that." He shook his head. "You only said that to hurt me."

"If I wanted to hurt you, I would have-" I stopped myself.

"What?" He asked. I just shook my head. "Tell me. You would have what?" He stepped closer to me.

"Nothing." I attempted to step to the side but he blocked me.

When I moved to the other side, he blocked my path again. We continued this dance a few more times all the while, Garrett kept pushing me to tell him what I was going to say.

"Just tell me!" He screamed.

"Fine!" I whisper yelled, hoping that he didn't wake the kids with his loud ass mouth. "I slept with someone tonight."

Before I had time to blink, my head come in contact with the wall behind me. Hard. In the same moment, the right side of my face started to sting. What the hell? I reached up and cupped my face. Did this fuck just hit me?

"What the hell?" I managed to say aloud as my eyes filled with tears. My face hurt like hell but these tears were not from pain, they were angry tears. I was fucking livid.

"I am so sorry." Garrett reached toward me. I jerked my body away from him. "It was a reflex reaction to what you said."

I nodded my head and walked closer to him. He put his arms out, to give me a hug. That's when I kneed him in the nuts. He grabbed his crotch and bent forward.

"I am so sorry." I apologized sweetly. "That was my reflex reaction to you being a fucking nutcase." I paused for a minute. "You have five minutes to get what you can before I call someone to remove you from my house."

With that, I walked away. I checked on the kids, who were sleeping soundly, before retreating to my bedroom. I sat down on my bed, put my head in my hands and let my mind wander.

My life is so fucked.


	8. Breathe

**Disclaimer: I don't own or claim to own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer owns it all.**

**AN: I was attacked by a plot bunny! Arg! I never understood how frustrating those little fuckers can be. So, I will be working on a side project while posting and finishing this. My next fic will be dramatic and angsty. I just hope I can pull it off *bites fingers*  
**

**Anywho, I have up to chapter 12 ready to go with this fic. I don't know how many more chapters will be after that. I guess I'll just wing it and stop when it feels right.  
**

**I'm on Facebook. Come "Friend" me Ashma Zerofourzeroseven  
**

**This chapter is very heavy. I apologize.  
**

**One more thing-I urge you all to listen to Breathe by Ryan Star. It is simply amazing and fits this chapter perfectly.**  
**I hope you enjoy.**  
**BPOV**

**Let go of the fear, let go of the doubt,**

**Let go of the ones who try to put you down.**

**You're gonna be fine, don't hold it inside.**

**And if you hurt right now,**

**Then let it all come out**

**Breathe-Ryan Star**

Garrett knocked on my bedroom door shortly after I had sat down and told me that he was leaving. He also apologized for hitting me. I knew that he didn't mean to hit me and I quickly forgave him. Regardless of how I felt about him as my husband, he was still the father of my children and for that, I would always love him in some way.

After he left, I sent a text to Edward telling him that I made it home and that I would call him later. There was no need to explain anything further tonight, if at all.

After the texts were sent, I shut my phone off and sat it on my bedside table. I hoped that I would be able to get a little sleep before the kids woke up. Being that it was Saturday, they should sleep in a little.

I laid back in bed and closed my eyes.

My mind was a mess. I've always dreamed about finding Edward again. I thought I would feel content. As I laid in bed, the last thing I felt was content.  
Guilt is an emotion that I could relate to. I felt guilty for sleeping with Edward. I felt guilty for not being happy in my marriage. I felt guilty for hurting Garrett. Most of all, I felt guilty for tearing apart my family.

It was because of me that my kids would grow up in a broken home. Just like me. Would this cause them to be unhappy later in life like I am? I wasn't sure. I hope not.

My chest tightened with the thought of my children ever being unhappy. I softly rubbed across my heart, to try to ease the pain.

I could feel my heart was beating faster than normal. Needing to calm myself down, I got out of bed and quietly walked down to the kitchen. I went to the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of wine I had stashed in the back.

I poured a glass and brought the bottle with me over to the table. I sat down and sipped my wine. I tried to clear my mind in order to calm down. I attempted to think of happy times.

The last time I felt happy, truly happy, was when I lived in Forks. Was that happiness because my parents were together or because of Edward? I don't know the answer to that either. All I know is that at fifteen, I was the happiest I've ever been.

Since then, the closest I've been are the days my kids were born. Of course I was happy on those days and I feel happiness when looking at them but its always short lived.

Without thinking about it, I found myself pouring another glass of wine. My heart was still pounding rapidly in my chest. Knowing that I was on the verge of a anxiety attack, I got up from my chair and walked grabbed my purse off of the counter.

I felt like I was losing grip on my life. I felt my skin crawling.

I sat the purse on the table and reached inside. I pulled out the tiny pill bottle and checked the label to make sure it was the right ones.

I've been on antidepressants since Austin was born but only recently did the doctor prescribe something for my anxiety. They aren't something I take everyday. In fact, I've had this bottle for two months and have only taken a handful of them. They don't really work all that great anyway.

They are such a low dosage that I usually have to take two. I haven't mentioned this to my doctor because I don't want to sound like an addict.

_It made sense to me._

I took a drink of my wine and held the liquid in my mouth before popping two of the pills in and swallowing.

I sat back down at the table and finished my drink. Once it was gone, I rinsed the glass and put the bottle away. After shutting off the kitchen light, I once again, made my way to my room.

I stumbled on the stairs on my way up them but caught myself before I could fall. I walked down the hallway to my room. It felt like the hall was never ending. Finally, I made it to my room. I bumped the doorway with my hip as I walked through it.

I drank the wine too fast.

I crawled into bed and shut off my lamp. Laying back on the pillow, I could feel my body physically relax. I let out a content sigh and closed my eyes.

I promised myself that tomorrow would be a better day. Tomorrow, I would start living for me and my kids. I would work on trying to figure out who Bella Swan was.

Tomorrow, I would do what makes _me_ happy.

**AN: I want to make is clear that I do NOT condone random drug use and/or mixing medication with alcohol. I know what it's like to have your mind racing and not be able to sleep. Bella is not suicidal nor is she severely depressed. The stress of everything has caught up with her. She was also not abusing her medication. She wanted to sleep. Simple as that.**


	9. Be My Escape

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**AN: I'm really trying to maintain an update schedule. I was stuck moving this last weekend and was without internet until about 30 minutes ago. Thanks for the patience.  
**

**On another note, I'm currently (as in right now) writing my new fic. With that said, I need a beta and pre-reader(s). It's not ready yet but I want to be prepared. If you are interested, please PM me and let me know :)  
**

**I hope you enjoy!  
**

_I gotta get outta here_

_I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake_

_I gotta get outta here_

_And I'm begging You,_

_I'm begging You,_

_I'm begging You to be my escape._

_Be My Escape-Relient K_

"Mom."

_Poke_

"Mom"

_Poke_

"MOM!"

"Hmmm." I hummed in response without opening my eyes.

"Mom" Austin jumped on the bed, landing on my back.

"What?" I mumbled as I buried my face under the covers.

"There is some guy at the door. He keeps knocking and saying your name." He said.

That got my attention. I opened my eyes and rolled over. "Did you open the door?" He immediately shook his head. I let out a sigh of relief. The boys are rarely ever awake alone but I have taught them to never answer the door for anyone, ever.

I patted his leg, silently asking him to move. Once he was out of the way, I climbed out of bed. My legs felt stiff. When I looked down I noticed that I fell asleep in my jeans. I never changed my clothes.

I walked to the bathroom with Austin following closely behind me. "How long has this man been knocking?" I looked down at him.

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Since I got up."

"Ok," I nodded. "What time did you get up?"

"Lets see," He tapped his chin, making me grin. "The big hand was on the twelve and the little hand was on the eight." He mumbled to himself. "Eight O'clock?" He asked me.

"Sounds good to me." I shrugged. I grabbed the brush and started running it through my hair. "Where's Mason?"

"Ugh!" Austin rolled his eyes. "He's downstairs watching _Spongebob._" He grimaced.

That made me laugh. Ever since his seventh birthday a few months ago, he thinks he's too old to watch that show. I can't say that it bothers me. I have a strong dislike for Spongebob also. Mason, on the other hand, will watch it twenty-four hours a day.

"Why don't you go down and sit with him. I'll be downstairs in a few minutes." I nudged him toward the door. "Do not go near that door." He nodded and ran out of my bathroom.

I quickly used the bathroom, washed my hands and pulled my hair back away from my face. I didn't bother with brushing my teeth since I had yet to have my coffee.

I walked back into my bedroom and straight to my dresser. I changed out of my clothes and into a t-shirt and yoga pants. I love to be comfortable and can't believe that I fell asleep in my jeans. Between the wine and my medication, I was knocked on my ass quickly. I silently promised to never do that again.

I stopped to take a glance in the mirror on my way out the bedroom door. I didn't know who was at the door, but I wanted to make sure I was presentable enough for company.

From the mirror, I was able to make out a faint mark on my cheek. It wasn't noticeable. I knew it was there because I knew what happened last night and took the time to look for it. I don't think anyone else would notice.

Satisfied with myself, I left my room and walked downstairs. I passed the boys, who were sitting on the couch watching cartoons and made my way to the door.

Just as I was about to open the door, another loud knock startled me. I jumped back and placed my hand over my heart. It was that loud. I gave myself a few seconds to recover before I opened the door.

To say I was shocked at the person standing on the other side, would be an understatement.

Standing in front of me, looking just as tired as I felt, was Edward. Neither of us said anything. We just stared at one another. After a few minutes of standing with the door open, I decided that I should speak.

"What are you doing here?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know." He paused. "You weren't answering your phone and I wanted to make sure that you really were ok." He shrugged.

"I'm fine. I told you I was fine last night." I told him. I continued to stare at him in disbelief. "How did you know I lived here?"

"The town isn't that big Bella." He rolled his eyes. I nodded in agreement. "Its even smaller when you know someone on the police force. All I needed to do was give him your name." He winked.

"Isn't that considered some sort of stalking?" I asked, fighting a smile. He shrugged one shoulder and grinned at me.

Just then a cool breeze came through the door, alerting me to the fact that I was still standing with it open. "I'm being rude. Do you want to come in?" I asked

"Won't your husband get mad?" His fun demeanor changed instantly at the mention of Garrett.

"He's not here." I said vaguely. One of Edward's eyebrows raised. "There are some things we need to talk about." I dodged his questioning stare and gestured for him to come in.

Edward nodded his head and walked into the house. I closed the door behind me and turned to face him. He was leaning against the wall waiting for me.

_The same wall that Garrett had me pinned to last night._

My heart started to race a little after that thought. I took a deep, calming breath and showed Edward to the kitchen. The boys didn't look up from the television as we passed.

Once inside the kitchen, Edward sat down on one of the bar stools while I made some coffee. Neither of us said anything while the coffee was brewing. We waited in a slightly uncomfortable silence. I say _slightly uncomfortable_ because every few seconds Edward would sigh heavily. When I would turn to look at him, he would narrow his eyes in my direction.

I poured us each a cup of coffee and sat down next to him. Before either of us had a chance to say anything, Austin and Mason came running into the kitchen.

"Mommy." Mason was the first to speak. "We're hungry."

Nodding, I got up to make the something to eat. "What do you guys want?"

"Do we have pop-tarts?" Austin asked looking up from his game. "Who are you?" He looked at Edward.

"This is my friend, Edward." I told them. "Edward, this is Austin," I patted the top of Austin's head, "and Mason." I picked Mason up.

"Hi guys!" Edward said enthusiastically with a smile on his face. That was a huge change from the look he was giving me.

"What's up." Austin jerked his chin.

I shook my head, ready to kill the neighbor. Jacob Black lives next door. He is ten and a little badass. He teaches Austin these little things and since he's older, Austin thinks its _'so cool.'_

I caught Edward's eye and noticed that he was biting his top lip to keep from laughing. I don't know why he thinks its so funny. He used to act the same way.

"Are you going to say hi?" I poked Mason in the stomach. He shook his head and buried his face in my neck. I turned toward Edward. "He's the shy one." I shrugged. Edward just winked and nodded.

"Hey Edward. Do you know anything about Mario Bro's?" Austin asked.

"The game? Like Mario and Lugi?" Edward asked. Austin nodded. "I used to have a Nintendo when I was younger. What are you playing? Is that a new Gameboy?" He asked as he looked at Austin's DS.

I snorted loudly. Edward gave me a puzzled look. I shook my head and turned toward the cupboard. I grabbed the box of pop-tarts down and set them on the counter.

"What's a Gameboy?" Austin asked. I turned back to face him and Edward just in time to see Edward's face. The look on his face was priceless. It made me laugh loudly.

Edward just stared at me. He looked unsure of himself. He opened his mouth to reply but ended up closing it again. After a few minutes, I decided to help him out.

"Remember when we were at Nana's and I found my Tetris game?" I asked Austin. He nodded his head. "Then I found the Gameboy?" His eyes lit up as he remembered.

"You used to have one of those?" He looked at Edward who slowly nodded his head. "That thing was boring." He rolled his eyes. "It didn't have a touch screen or anything." He threw his hands in the air. "I'm glad I'm not old like you guys. Everything sucked when you were kids."

"Language." I warned.

"Sorry." He mumbled with his head down.

Edward, who is obviously not around children often, took pity on him and asked him about his game. Knowing that our talk was put off for a while, I gave the boys their pop-tarts and sat down to drink my coffee.

Mason clung to me like a monkey. He's always been shy. When he's around people he doesn't know, he closes himself off and refuses to speak. For three years old, he has a very wide vocabulary but no one would ever know.

Austin spoke animatedly to Edward about the thirty different Mario's on his game. He also explained to Edward how to play on the DS. When I looked over and saw Edward playing the game with Austin cheering him on, I smiled. When Edward lost the game, he gave it back to Austin. I used that as my opportunity to get the kids out of the kitchen.

"Why don't you guys go play upstairs?" I suggested. They both nodded and ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

I picked up my mug and took it to the sink. Edward had yet to say anything. I turned around and walked over to the breakfast bar. I leaned onto my elbows and looked at him.

"Ready to talk?" I asked. His stare turned cold once again. "Ok. Where do I start?" I mused out loud.

"How about you tell me where the fuck that bruise on your cheek came from." He whispered through clenched teeth.

"It's nothing." I waved it off while rubbing my cheek. "How did you even notice?" It really wasn't that noticeable.

"It was kind of hard not to notice with the sun beating down on it, Bella." He rolled his eyes. "What happened last night? I want the truth." He said firmly.

I blew out a big breath before answering. I told him everything. From Garrett sitting in the dark waiting for me to me kneeing him in the crotch and telling him to get out. Edward didn't comment at all but I did notice his hands clench into fists occasionally.

When I was finished speaking, I lowered my head. I wasn't ashamed. I was waiting for Edward to blow up. It was silent for five excruciating minutes before he spoke.

"You're ok?" He asked softly as he ran a finger over my cheek.

"I'm fine." I looked up at him.

He nodded but didn't say anything else. He grabbed my hand gently and pulled me over to him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me in his arms.

I jumped suddenly when I heard a voice in the door way.

"Isn't this sweet." Garrett said sarcastically as he walked into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I instinctively leaned into Edward's chest. Edward rubbed my arm lightly.

"I live here, dear wife." He said sweetly. "Oh, that's right." He slapped his knee. "You kicked me out after you fucked some random man. Is this him?" He asked pointing to Edward.

I felt Edward push me lightly away from him. "The kids are upstairs." I said in warning. Neither of them seemed to notice me as Edward stood up.

"I don't want to cause any trouble." Edward said. "I'm Edward." He extended his hand to Garrett.

I wasn't sure what Edward's plan was but Garrett seemed oblivious to to everything as he put his hand in Edward's. Then, everything happened so fast.

Edward gripped Garrett's hand in his. His free hand balled into a fist before making contact with the right side of Garrett's face. Garrett stumbled back, dropped Edward's hand and cupped his cheek. Edward pushed him into the corner before getting in his face.

"The next time you want to put your hands on someone, come find me. You touch her again," He pointed at me while staring Garrett in the face, "And I'll fucking kill you. Got it?"


	10. Going Down

**Disclaimer-I don't own it**

**AN: Sorry for the delay and lack of review reply. I did read them all and smiled at every one. I hope that makes up for it. I recently got a promotion at work that I have been busting my ass for. I love my new position and feel very accomplished. However, it does not leave much time for the fandom and fanfic. Which, ironically enough, was the reason I pulled this story the first time.  
**

**Rest assured that I will NOT be pulling again. It just may take a while for new updates. I promise to work as hard as I can to finish this within a timely manner. I hope that you all stick with me but if you don't, I understand :)  
**

**This is my favorite chapter. I hope you all enjoy it too!  
**

**_This is hardly worth fightin' for_**

**_But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore_**

**_When my fist hits your face_**

**_And your face hits the floor_**

**_You're Going Down-Sick Puppies_**

"_The next time you want to put your hands on someone, come find me. You touch her again," He pointed at me while staring Garrett in the face, "And I'll fucking kill you. Got it?"_

"Got it." Garrett said as pushed Edward back. "You have balls, man. Not only did you fuck _my_ wife but you have the guts to show up at _my_ house the day after?" He pushed Edward again.

This time, Edward pushed back. They took turns pushing one another. I didn't know how to stop it. I wanted to yell but knew if I did, the kids would come running in. I wanted to sit back and watch them fight it out but knew that if I didn't stop it, the kids would come in eventually.

"Guys." I said lowly. Neither of them acknowledged me.

Garrett swung at Edward. Edward tried to duck out of the way but Garrett managed to get him in the chest. Edward stumbled back before swinging his fist at Garrett again hitting him in the shoulder. They continued to take turns throwing punches at each other.

"Guys." I said a little louder. Again, they ignored me.

The did, however, stop punching. They were now standing in a boxing stance. Their chests were heaving as they stared at each other. Before either of them were able to throw another punch, I stepped in between them. I put a hand on each of their chests.

"You two want to fight like kids?" I asked rhetorically. "Fine! I'll treat you like kids. Let's go." I pushed them both out of the kitchen and to the sliding glass door.

I unlocked the door and threw it open. I pushed them both outside.

"I will not risk my kids seeing you fighting. It's not fair to them." I looked behind me toward the stairs. Thankfully they were still upstairs. "Do not pick up any weapons. You fight with your fists only. Fight fair or I call the cops. It's your choice."

I shut the door and closed the blinds. That lasted about thirty seconds before curiosity got the best of me so I peeked out. Both Garrett and Edward were staring at the door with a dumbfounded look on their faces.

That pissed me off. I was ready to see some backyard UFC shit go down and these two want to stare at the door like it just grew a face. I quickly opened the door and stepped onto the patio.

"What the fuck?" I put my hands on my hips. "It's ok to fight in my kitchen and break my shit but you can't fight in the backyard?"

"Bell-" Garrett started. I threw a glare at him effectively shutting him up.

"This is too much for me to handle." My eyes started to fill with angry tears. I swallowed hard and tried to push them back. "Let me make one thing clear to you, Garrett. I did not leave you for Edward. I asked you to leave before he even came back into my life. I told you last night that I have not been happy in this marriage for a while." I paused to take a deep breath.

"This is _the_ Edward." Garrett whispered to himself. His face suddenly had a look of understanding.

"What?" I asked, shocked. As far as I knew, Garrett didn't know anything about Edward.

"You think I didn't know?" He let out a bitter chuckle. "We've been married for a while, Bella. You've always talked in your sleep. His name was frequently muttered. I didn't know who he was. I always figured he was an ex-boyfriend from your time in Washington."

I just stared at my soon to be ex-husband. "Why didn't you ever bring it up?"

"What was I supposed to say? _Oh, hey, you were saying some guys name in your sleep last night. Cut that shit out._"He rolled his eyes. "I knew that you couldn't control your dreams so I let it go. Besides, you never talked about your life before Phoenix anyway." He shrugged his shoulder.

"I am sorry." I whispered as tears filled my eyes again.

Garrett looked up at me a smiled weakly. "Don't be sorry, Bella. You're getting what you've always wanted right?" He turned toward Edward. "It will make things a lot easier if we all get along." He extended his hand.

Edward slowly put his hand out to shake Garrett's but I stepped in between them.

"What are you doing?" Garrett asked me.

"You don't get to do this." I shook my head.

"Do what Bella? Doesn't this make things better for you? Isn't that what you want, for things to be perfect for Bella? Fuck what everyone else feels right?" He lightly pushed me out of the way.

That's when Edward swung again. I watched in shock as Garrett lost his balance and fell to the ground. Either Edward hit him hard this time or he just wasn't prepared.

Edward towered over him as his fist connected with Garrett's upper body. I stood frozen in place before my brain finally screamed at me to stop them.

"Edward," I said lowly as I put my hand on his back. "Stop. Please." I begged. I was afraid that he was really going to hurt him.

Edward paused and lowered his hand. When he went to stand, Garrett placed his feet on Edward's stomach and kicked. Edward lost his balance and fell over. Garrett was immediately on Edward.

I watched in horror as they took turns hitting each other. One minute Garrett was over Edward then, in the blink of an eye, Edward would flip them. They rolled around the yard and continued to beat the shit out of each other.

My eyes kept shifting from them to the door. At one point, I poked my head in the door and listened for the kids. I was sure that at any minute they would come running down the stairs to see what was going on. I let out a sigh of relief when I heard the Playstation. _They'll be occupied for a while._

I turned back to the idiots rolling in the grass. I needed to do something quickly. I looked around the yard for something, anything that would help me break them apart. I spotted the water hose and smiled widely.

I remember once when I was little, there were a pair of cats fighting in the backyard. My dad sprayed them with the hose and they instantly broke up. Water is likely to have the same effect on grown men. Right?

I shrugged to myself as I walked over the hose. I turned it on and pointed the nozzle at them. They weren't paying attention to me so I knew this would get their attention.

I waited for the right moment before pulling the trigger and spraying them. They both jumped when the cold water hit them. I continued to spray them until they were far enough away from each other that I didn't have to worry about punches being thrown again. I firmly gripped the nozzle in my hands as I walked toward them.

"I hope you both got that out of your systems." I gave each of them a pointed look.

Edward shot a glare at Garrett before turning to me and nodding his head. Garrett refuse to make eye contact as he rung out his shirt but I did see him nod his head.

"Good." I nodded. "Because if that ever happens again," I yelled. "Neither of you will step foot in this house again. Is that understood?" I fought back a smile when I saw them flinch away from me.

"Yes ma'am." They mumbled softly with their heads down.

"You don't have to like each other but you will tolerate each other when you are in _my_ house." I said firmly. It felt kind of silly to chastise them like kids but that's exactly what they were acting like.

"Are we good?" Garrett asked after a couple minutes. I didn't know whether he was talking to me or Edward but we both nodded our heads.

"I'm sorry about that." Edward motioned to Garrett's face.

"Don't worry about it." Garrett waved his hand dismissively. "I had it coming." He laughed and shook Edward's hand. "I'm sorry about that" He waved his hand around the yard. "I'm going to go up and change my clothes before I see the kids." He looked at me. I nodded and he walked into the house.

When he was inside, Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He placed his chin on my shoulder. "I'm sorry." He asked as he brushed the hair off my shoulder.

"It's over. Lets forget about it." I whispered.

"Good." He placed a small kiss on my neck. "What the fuck was that?" He laughed into my hair.

"I have no idea." I shook my head. "But I have a feeling that we're all going to get along just fine."


	11. Asshole Father

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, I wouldn't have to work and would have more time to write.**

**There is no song for this chapter but the chapter is named after a song by the Sick Puppies. The lyrics of the song have nothing to do with this chapter but the title caught my eye ;)**

**Sorry for the delay in posting. I am going to post this chapter and chapter 12 at the same time. I don't have anything written beyond chapter 12 and don't know when I will get around to writing one. At the moment, I have so much sadness and hurt in my heart and I'm more inclined to kill everyone off. However, I don't want to do that to any of you. **

**RL has been a real bitch. I've been questioning everything lately. I won't go into it because you aren't here to read my bitching and crying. Anyway, on with the story. Please be patient with me. I will finish this at some point but don't be surprised if you 1) see an angst filled o/s by me and/or 2) it takes months for me to update this one. **

**Thanks for all the reviews. I read each and everyone of them. Sorry for not replying. I truly appreciate each of them. Even the ones stating that I don't give enough details. I'm a simple girl and prefer not to write 10k words of bullshit. **

**Enjoy!**

We managed to make it through the rest of the day without another punch being thrown. Garrett stayed upstairs with the kids. I'm sure he did that to keep them away from Edward.

Edward and I sat at the table and talked a little before he left. The look on his face-when I walked him out-told me that he didn't want to leave; however, he had promised his father that he would come over for dinner.

During our talk, Edward told me that his parents had divorced a little over a year after I moved.

Apparently, after Carlisle met a new nurse at the hospital; he began having an affair. Esme came home early one day and discovered the two of them together. Esme demanded a divorce and never looked back.

I was shocked. The Cullen's always seemed like the type of people that stayed together. When I told Edward that, he laughed "You, of all people, should understand that things aren't always as they seem. No one really knows what's going on behind closed doors."

I guess he had a point.

After making dinner plans for this week, Edward left. Then, I wandered around the house, looking for something to do. It took me about a minute to clean the house. With that out of the way and nothing else to do, I quietly walked up the stairs.

I could hear voices coming from the playroom. I knew I shouldn't be spying but this is my house**,** and I wanted to know what Garrett was up to. The door was cracked open, so I leaned against the wall and listened.

"What do you boys think of Edward?" I heard Garrett ask.

"He's cool." I heard Austin say. Mason immediately agreed.

Garrett was quiet for a minute before he asked, "How long have you known Edward?"

"Just today**,**" Austin answered, and I could picture him shrugging his shoulders.

"You've never seen him here other than today?" Garrett clarified. He was starting to piss me off.

"No." Austin huffed, clearly annoyed. "I told you, today was the first time we saw him."

Garrett took his annoyance as a sign to stop with the questions. The room was silent for close to ten minutes. I could hear the boys playing but there was no conversation. Just as I was about to make my presence known, Garrett started talking again.

"Do you know what divorce is?" He asked out of nowhere.

"No." I heard Mason say quietly.

"I do**,**" Austin said. "It's when moms and dads don't live together anymore."

"You're right**,**" Garrett said.

"Why'd you want to know?" Austin asked.

"He was just asking a question**,**" I said as I walked in. I glared at Garrett before turning my attention to the kids. "Why don't you boys go pick out a movie. I'll order pizza in a little bit and we'll watch movies." I smiled at them as they jumped up and ran out the door.

I turned to Garrett and just stared. I was at a loss for words.

"Don't look at me like that Bella. They are going to find out eventually." He stood up from the floor.

"Don't you think this is something we should discuss with them together? Or were you just trying to make me look like the bad guy?" I asked.

"I'm not trying to make you look like shit, Bella. Believe it or not, this isn't about you. The boys deserve to know what's going on," he said through clenched teeth as he walked out of the playroom.

I followed him down the hall and into my bedroom. "Look at you trying to be the perfect father." I smiled condescendingly at him. "Where the hell has this part of you been all these years?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He threw the half packed bag on the floor. "Don't you dare act like you are the better parent here, Bella." He pointed his finger in my face.

"I never said anything about being a better parent. I was simply hinting at the fact that you could have been more involved." I shrugged, refusing to back down from him.

"Don't fuck with me Bella. I can make your life hell." He threatened. He picked his bag up and continued to pack it. Once it was full and my room was a mess from him throwing things around, he stormed out of the door. I followed closely behind him.

Once we made it to the bottom of the stairs, he turned to me. "You want me to be more involved with the kids? Here goes nothing." He walked into the living room, where the boys were sitting on the couch.

"Hey guys," he said softly. "I'm leaving. Can I have some hugs?"

"Where are you going?" Austin asked as he and Mason walked around the couch to hug their dad.

I watched as Garrett knelt down and hugged them both. My stomach was in knots. Something told me that whatever Garrett was about to say wouldn't be good.

"I'm going to live with Grandma for awhile." Garrett kissed them both on the head as he stood up. "Mommy doesn't want daddy to live here anymore." With that, he walked out of the door leaving me with two sad little boys.

Austin stared at me with tears in his eyes. "Why don't you want dad to live here anymore?" He wiped his eyes quickly before the tears could fall.

I didn't respond. I ushered them both to the couch. I tried my best to explain to them that sometimes moms and dads don't get along and they have to live in separate houses. I repeatedly told them that nothing was their fault, and that we loved them very much. It took about an hour before they seemed to understand what I was saying. Unlike Garrett, I didn't place the blame on any one person.

When I felt comfortable that they understood what I was saying, I put in a movie and went to the kitchen to order pizza. I thought about calling Edward just to get some things off my chest, but decided that I would deal with it another night. Tonight, I was going to devote my time to the kids. After the stunt that Garrett pulled, they needed me.

The pizza arrived quickly. I took the boxes and some sodas into the living room with me. Once I sat down on the couch, I had no plans of moving.


	12. Just a Kiss

**Disclaimer:I don't own Twilight.**

**Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight**

**Just a touch in the fire burning so bright**

**And I don't want to mess this thing up**

**I don't want to push too far**

**Just a shot in the dark that you just might**

**Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life**

**So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight**

**Just a Kiss-Lady Antebellum**

First thing Monday morning, I contacted a divorce attorney. After Garrett's bullshit the other night, I refused to waste time. He has not been heard from since he walked out the door Saturday night. If it weren't for the kids, I would be happy that he was gone.

The kids haven't mentioned Garrett but I have noticed that Austin will often stare at the door. I've been trying to keep them busy. When they are sad, it makes me sad. We can't have that.

On Tuesday, I actually met with the attorney. Apparently, we are required to be legally separated for six months before we can even file for divorce. Needless to say, I filed papers for legal separation that day. Mr. Jenks, my attorney, explained that Garrett would be served papers.

Since I was unaware of where he was living, I gave him Garrett's parents address. I don't know if they know what's going on. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't heard from Garrett's mom, Sue.

She has been a pain in my ass since day one. Always in our personal business and trying to butt in where she didn't belong. Somethings should stay between husband and wife. She never understood that. One of the many perks of this divorce-getting rid of her.

On Wednesday I called my mother. Since she still lives in Arizona, we usually only talk once a week. I told her about finding Edward-or him finding me-and kicking Garrett out. She wasn't very happy with my choice. She basically said to stay away from Edward and try to fix things with Garrett.

Hypocrite.

I guess I should have expected that. She was never a fan of Edward. I don't know why but it's not like she ever gave me a chance to question it. Edward and I were finally getting serious when she packed us up and moved us away.

What I didn't understand is, why would she want me in a loveless marriage? I told her everything-me being unhappy, the fights, sleeping with Edward and Garrett's reaction. Her reaction was one that I never expected.

"Marriage is hard work, Bella." She said. "You can't just walk away when things get tough. You also can't fall into another mans bed when you want an easy out."

After that, I hung up on her and haven't talked to her since. She has no room to judge me. I tried not to let her words bother me but, deep down, they really did. Every time Edward called, her words ran through my head.

Thursday was completely devoted to the kids. Since there was no school, I promised them we would do something fun. We ended up going to the zoo, park and Chuck-E-Cheese. I had a migraine by the end of the day but they kids had fun. That's all that mattered.

All of that brings me to today-Friday. Edward and I had to postpone our date until today. It was originally set for Wednesday but after talking to my bitch of a mother, I wasn't feeling up to it.

I haven't seen Edward since Saturday. I've talked to him a couple of times and we've exchanged texts all week but seeing him will help me believe that this is all real. After the week I've had, it all seems like some horrible dream based on a cheesy soap opera.

I have already explained everything that happened with Garrett. He mumbled something about Garrett being a "pathetic excuse for a human being." I agreed with him. All in all, he took it better than I thought.

Edward is also aware that my mother and I are not speaking to each other. He tried to press for information but I didn't go into detail. I didn't think it was necessary to explain everything to him.

I shook my thoughts away as I heard the door bell ring.

On my way down the stairs, I picked up a few shirts that the kids had left on the floor this morning. I threw the clothes into the laundry room on my way to the door.

I dropped the kids off with my dad earlier today. He knew that Garrett had moved out and that I was speaking to Edward. He didn't ask any further questions and I didn't offer information. They only thing he asked was if I was happy. I didn't have a definite answer for him but I did say that I was trying to get there.

I opened the door to find Edward standing on the other side. He jerked his head to look at me. His face lit up with a smile. That smile caused my brain to shove away all the drama in my life. If only for the night.

"Hi." I whispered.

"Hi." He replied. He pushed off the side of the house and took a step closer to me. "How is it that I was able to deal with a ten year separation but six days almost killed me?"

"I have no idea. It was torture." I smiled, glad that I wasn't the only crazy one.

He nodded in agreement before leaning forward and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. He pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes. "I've been waiting so long to do that." He said with a smile.

I could only nod my head. As much as I enjoyed that kiss, a part of me was screaming that it was too soon.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"Yeah. I've just got to grab my purse." I turned to walk back into the house. "Do I look alright? You never did tell me where we were going." I grabbed my purse from the table and turned to face him.

He was biting his lower lip as he looked at me. When he noticed that my eyes were on him, he cleared his throat before speaking. "You look great."

"Let's go. I'm starving!" I chuckled uneasily. The way he was staring at me was intense.

Our dinner was a quite event. We didn't speak about anything of importance. Edward was attentive and made our date everything that a date should be. He was the epitome of a gentleman.

Throughout our evening, he would try to hold my hand. Every time he held my hand, I could feel eyes on us. It was as if everyone at the restaurant knew my situation.

When the feeling of being watched got to be too much, I would find an excuse to use my hand. I tried to be nonchalant about it. Edward never mentioned anything but I had a feeling that he noticed.

We returned back to my house after dinner. Edward didn't have anything else planned and I wanted to be out of the public eye.

We've been sitting on this couch in relative silence for the past fifteen minutes.

"What did I do?" Edward asked quietly.

I looked at him confused.

"Don't look at me like that. You've been distant since dinner." He said. "Don't think I didn't notice the way you pulled your hand away either." He gave me a pointed look. "So, I'll ask again, what did I do?"

"You didn't do anything." I sighed.

"Then what's the problem? You shut down as soon as we got to the restaurant." Edward leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. He put his head in his hands and rubbed his face.

"I just," I paused briefly and blew out a big breath. "I couldn't take the staring. It was too much."

Edward turned his head to look at me. "What staring, Bella." He said exasperated.

"At the restaurant," I said. "Everyone was staring. It was like they knew." I nodded to myself. "Maybe we should take things slow?"

"Fuck that Bella!" He yelled. I jumped back in surprise. "I'm not doing this." He stood up.

I watched him pace in front of me while I sat motionless on the couch. I should have known he would take it the wrong way. I'm not the greatest at explaining things.

"You didn't let me-" I started to say before he interrupted.

"I know exactly what you were going to say." He growled. "You want to take things slow because you are afraid of what people are going to think." He gave me a pointed look.

I don't know how he did it but he had managed to read my mind.

"You don't-" I attempted to say something but was cut off my Edward's lips against mine.

I opened my mouth to catch a breath but even that was cut off my Edward shoving his tongue in my mouth. His kiss was hard and forcefully and I was taking it all in. My insides were screaming at me. We needed to slow down.

I tried to pull away but Edward moved closer. He pushed me so that I was laying on the couch. His hands ran up my legs. Since I had chose to wear a skirt, he didn't have anything in his way. With one swift move, he pulled the skirt down my legs. I heard a flop when the fabric hit the floor.

I was finally able to brake away from his kiss. "Edward," I panted. "We need to talk."

He pushed up on his arms to hover over me. "Talk about what? You want to talk about your bullshit reasons of why we can't be together?" He glared at me while grinding his erection into me.

I moaned involuntarily. I wanted this as much as he does. I just don't want to deal with the aftermath.

"How 'bout we talk more about the fact that you care more about what people think than your own happiness." He bit down on my collarbone. "You've got to stop giving a fuck, Bella. Fuck the world."

He sat back on his heels while bringing me forward to sit up. Without another word, he pulled my shirt over my head. I couldn't find the fight within my to stop him. With the snap of his fingers, the bra was gone too.

He forcefully pushed be back into the couch. "What else was it you wanted to talk about, sweetheart." His eyes trailed my body.

"I-I...uhh.." I started. The sound of his zipper shook the words from my mouth.

I watched as Edward moved from one side to the other and shrugged his pants off. I closed my eyes, knowing that if I saw him pant-less, I would be done.

"Where do you work?" I blurted. I was anxious to say anything in this moment.

"That's what you want to talk about?" Edward laughed lightly as he lowered his body on top of mine.

I felt his bare skin against mine. I didn't even hear him take his shirt off. He didn't answer my question as his fingers grazed my inner thighs. My body trembled from his touch.

He attached his mouth to my neck. He alternated between nibbling, sucking and licking. I wiggled as much as I could under him. He pulled my earlobe and pulled it between his teeth.

"I'm an independent contractor." He breathed into my ear.

My eyes popped open and I let out a loud moan. The things he was doing to me in that moment and the way he answered my question was sexy. He could have told me that he had crabs and I would have found that equally as sexy.

His fingers continued their path until they reached the lining of my panties. He stopped all movement at that point. I groaned in protest.

"I want us to be on the same page." He said. He stared into my eyes for a brief second before continuing. "You need to start putting Bella first. Stop worrying about other people."

He hooked his fingers around my underwear and pulled them away from my body and down my leg. I kicked them away while Edward settled himself between my legs.

I used my feet to push his boxer off. There was no point in delaying things any longer. Edward's erection brushed against me causing me to let out a loan moan.

They way we were laying gave our bodies the perfect alignment needed. If Edward or I moved, we would be connected.

I looked into his eyes as I shifted my lower body. I felt him slide in. Instinctively, he jerked forward. I let out a content sigh as Edward moaned. Neither of us moved.

In that moment, I saw how stupid I was being about everything. Being with Edward in this intimate moment, I could see that things were right. Who am I to deny either of us what we've both been longing for?

I lifted my hips as a hint to Edward that he needed to move. He placed a hand on my hip, stalling my movements.

"What's your last name?" He asked.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I groaned.

"You can ask silly questions but I can't?" He pulled away from me with a grin. Without warning, he slammed back into me. His thrust was so forceful, my whole body moved.

"Ahhhhh" I yelled out in both pain and pleasure.

"You going to answer me?" He thrust into me again.

"Christ!" I hissed. "It's Lewis. My last name is Lewis."

Satisfied that he got his answer, he hooked his arms under my knees and pulled me closer to him.

"No more bullshit, Bella." He said through clenched teeth.

"No more...fuck...bullshit." I moaned.

"We're going to be together." He stated. How he was able to form full sentences, I'll never know.

"If that's what you want." I panted.

"No." He shook his head and stopped moving. "What do _you_ want?"

I sucked in a deep breath. "I want you to stop talking and fuck me." I rose an eyebrow in challenge.

"Done." He nodded. He wrapped my legs around his waist and did just what I asked him to.


End file.
